Q: What made this the right time to share about the power of an unselfish life?
A: I think this may be one of the most important books I have ever written, and it’s a message that I have taught in various ways over the years. I think today, more than ever, our society is extremely me-focused. We’re all looking for joy and fulfillment, but we won’t find it as long as we are constantly focused on ourselves.
The world often teaches people that the best way to have a great life is to “look out for #1” and always put themselves first. But that’s not what God says in His Word.
God instructs us to love one another (John 13:34). Loving others makes them happy, and it makes us happy, too. In fact, God promises that when we delight ourselves in Him and focus on being good to other people, He will take care of our needs and give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4; Matthew 6:33).
For the first 30 years of my Christian life, I was still extremely selfish and self-centered. I spent most of my time thinking about what I wanted, what I thought, and how I felt. In addition, I was filled with self-pity. Every morning, I woke up thinking about myself, and kept thinking about myself all day until I fell asleep at night.
It was hard for me to admit that I was selfish, and I think it’s hard for all of us. But facing our self-centeredness and letting God deal with it was life-changing for me, and I believe it will be for others, too. Learning to live an unselfish life may seem to be an unlikely path to happiness and blessing, but I promise you: It is.
We were never created to constantly focus inward. In fact, the quickest way to become miserable is to think about yourself all of the time. However, when you choose to focus on others and how you can be a blessing to them, it will release tremendous joy in your life.
Q: What biblical principles or teachings do you emphasize in your book to help readers find fulfillment and purpose in their lives?
A: For starters, I believe all of us simply want to be happy. We’re looking for joy and fulfillment, but sometimes we search for it in the wrong places. That’s why selfishness can be so sneaky. When we are selfish, we may think we are getting what we want, however, it steals our joy and leaves us feeling empty.
Matthew 10:39 is a key scripture in my book. Jesus says, Whoever finds his [lower] life will lose it [the higher life], and whoever loses his [lower] life on My account will find it [the higher life] (AMP).
Jesus came that we might have and enjoy our lives abundantly (John 10:10).
If we are willing to be unselfish and give to others, we will have an abundance of joy. It’s about living to give instead of living to get. As we do, God will take care of us and give us much more than we could ever manage to get for ourselves (Luke 6:38).
Selfishness can also show up in our lives in a lot of ways that we don’t realize. For instance, it can prevent us from trusting God and letting Him take care of us. Proverbs 3:5-7 says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes…(ESV).
God is smarter than we are, and He always knows what is best for us. He knows what will work in our lives and what will make us happy.
Because of the abuse I suffered as a young girl, I developed an attitude that said, No one will ever control me again. I don’t need anyone else—I can take care of myself. It was difficult for me to fully trust myself with God. However, as I experienced His repeated faithfulness, that trust grew. It’s okay—and even necessary—to have a plan. But life gets good when we can relax in God’s love and trust Him to direct our steps all along the way.
These are a couple of the many principles I share in What About Me? And if I can tease just one more, it’s that God is the source of all change, and we can’t do any of these things without Him (John 15:5).
My life is a perfect example. The Lord took someone who was very selfish and self-centered, and little by little, He transformed me into who I am today. I certainly have a long way to go, and I still battle with selfishness. But I can say that living to love others is the greatest joy of my life.
Wherever you are in your journey with God, I want to encourage you that change is possible! God’s Word has the ability to transform your heart and help you enjoy everything He has planned for your future.
Q: Can a believer sabotage their own joy, purpose, or success? (If so, how can we avoid this?)
A: We most certainly can. In my book, I share some funny stories of how I used to be so selfish. As I mentioned, there were many mornings when I would lay in bed thinking how I could get everyone to do what I wanted that day. It’s easy to laugh about it now, years later. But that mindset was keeping me trapped. I was sabotaging my own joy! When we are selfish, we become lonely and unfulfilled.
When it comes to sabotaging our purpose or success, I think a lot depends on our definition of success.The world considers people successful when they have a lot of money, own their own business, hold executive positions, or achieve fame and recognition. While there’s certainly nothing wrong with achieving these things, some people discover they are unfulfilled and really don’t know who they are apart from what they do.
That’s why it’s important to ask ourselves why we seek after certain things. Is it to feel loved or important? Do we do it to prove something to other people? If money is someone’s top priority, they will be sadly disappointed to find out that money and things cannot keep them happy. God has an incredible plan for every single one of us, and we will never be happier than when we are walking in His will for our lives.
Q: What role does social media play in the struggle to see success from God’s perspective?
A: Social media can be a dangerous place, especially for young people, because not everything is what it seems, and it can play into people’s insecurities.
For instance, kids can go online and see perfect images of people and think they need to also look perfect to be loved and successful. What they don’t always know is that these “perfect” images are often touched up or enhanced in some way, and it’s really an unattainable level of beauty that no one can achieve.
Again, it’s important to understand that what God considers success isn’t always what the world says it is. Social media often highlights what is deemed beautiful and it emphasizes status and popularity.
The greatest gift we can give our children is to share what God says about them in His Word. Let them know how loved and valuable they are—not because of what they do, how they look, or how many “likes” they have online, but because they are His priceless possession and have infinite value in Christ.
Q: Do you think it’s common for believers to struggle balancing personal needs with a life of service to others?
A: I believe we can get out of balance in two different ways. We can live selfishly and not focus on others enough. Or, we can also go to the other extreme and get to a point where we ignore our own needs.
Living an unselfish life doesn’t mean we should never think about ourselves or do things we like to do. Taking care of ourselves is important. If we’re not healthy—emotionally, mentally, spiritually—then we have nothing to give to others. I often say that one of the greatest gifts you can give to your family and friends is a healthy you.
I spend quite a bit of time ministering to others and I choose to find as many ways as I can to be good to people. But I also need time for myself to rest, recharge, and even just have fun. If we don’t have that balance, that’s when we get in trouble and feel burned out.
First Peter 5:8 says, Be well balanced…for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize and devour (AMPC). When we get out of balance, we open the door for the enemy.
